Ask Dalia…

Hello All,

I find that since I am the wielder of #whoretips, I regularly get asked for my advice on situations of the dating/sexual relationship nature. Since I give these little nuggets of what I believe are wisdom, I thought I would start posting them here. I hope they are helpful or simply entertaining.

Also, if you have a question, please feel free to ask me here or email me dalialance@gmail.com. I would love to help you with your question if I can.

So… Here is the question:

“Is giving oral cheating?”

Wow! Just WOW!

I have to say I love, love, love this question.

Whenever I get asked a question about cheating my first thought is always “What are the agreements of the relationship you are in?”

This and only this can define if it is cheating.

I don’t think enough people actually define what is cheating is to them at the beginning of a relationship or at any point. It is easy to say that having sex, oral sex, kissing, touching is cheating. However, what about talking? Flirting? Holding hands? Dancing close? Where is the line exactly?

The line is decided by you and your partner/playmate. Set the rules in the beginning and be willing to modify them when the rule needs to be changed.  Always be willing to communicate and talk about thoughts, feelings and questions on what is acceptable with your partner and what isn’t.

Being on the same page as your sexual other half is always a great idea.

xoxo

Dalia

 

Ask Dalia…

Hello All,

I find that since I am the wielder of #whoretips, I regularly get asked for my advice on situations of the dating/sexual relationship nature. Since I give these little nuggets of what I believe are wisdom, I thought I would start posting them here. I hope they are helpful or simply entertaining.

Also, if you have a question, please feel free to ask me here or email me dalialance@gmail.com. I would love to help you with your question if I can.

So… Here is the question:

“Do you need to share your number?”

Some of you might be wondering what number? This mysterious number is the number of people you have had sex with in this lifetime.

There is much debate as to what number is too high. There have been articles, books, heck even a movie. So why would I not simply refer this person to this plethora of information? Well, it is because, simply put: It isn’t about the number.

Often in life we find that we judge ourselves against what others are doing or thinking. This is where we can get our social ques. After all, in high school, if you had sex with even one person you could be labeled a “slut” and this would follow you throughout your entire time in school. Silly actually.

Even as adults we can tend to fall into this same pattern. So what number is too much? I am sure you just thought of a number. I know I did. I am not ready to give it up just yet.

The number that is too much is actually completely dependent on the number that makes you or your partner/playmate cringe. For some that will be low number, for others, no number is too high because the cool kids don’t care.

Simply put, the number means nothing, unless it does to you.

You should only be with someone who doesn’t judge you for your past. It is silly to think that the number of people you have had sex with changes anything other then hopefully making you better in bed because of your practice. So…. this should instead make your partner/playmate happy.

xoxo

Dalia

 

Ask Dalia…

Hello All,

I find that since I am the wielder of #whoretips, I regularly get asked for my advice on situations of the dating/sexual relationship nature. Since I give these little nuggets of what I believe are wisdom, I thought I would start posting them here. I hope they are helpful or simply entertaining.

Also, if you have a question, please feel free to ask me here or email me dalialance@gmail.com. I would love to help you with your question if I can.

So… Here is the question:

“I am in a long term relationship that ended. I feel like I am a failure. Am I?”

Although this question is not as quirky or naughty as most of the ones I get I thought it is a great question.

The simple answer is: No! You are not a failure.

As you know however, it is not that simple… Ever.

The failure of a relationship can be caused by one or both parties. Some examples of this are:

Did you get cheated on?

Did you cheat on your partner?

Did you grow apart?

Did one of you change your mind about what kind of relationship you wanted?

I could list 100 questions on this point. However, I think that all to often people enter a relationship and then BAM! they are in a relationship. This is not like getting into a car and you are in it and nothing is going to change.

People change, the world changes. If you don’t pay attention, your partner may change right in front of you and you won’t see it. You could change and they don’t see it. The failure in most relationships is forgetting that it is something that is constantly growing and changing. You have to pay attention to it or it will decompose. What an analogy? Good cause I love to give them.

If you have a garden, when you first plant it, it looks amazing, shiny, clean and new. If you don’t keep it watered, fed, replenished, replanted, tended then it will become overrun and you will not recognize it anymore for the beauty it was or it may just wilt and die.

People can get stuck in time and places. You have to constantly make changes to have your relationship work. You have to be invested in it’s growth. Go out, do things with each other, remind each other why the other person is so important to you constantly. Otherwise, one day you might look over and the person you fell in love with so long ago may be gone.

However, there is a chance by actions, usually hurt or betrayal that you or your partner will break the relationship apart. Then yes, if this was done by you to them, then you did fail the relationship and vice versa. It is also important to note, that if you don’t address the break and sit in the mire of it waiting for the other person to ‘do something’ then you are failing the relationship as well.

So remember, care for it, grow it, play constantly with each other breathing life into it and if it does end, know that sometimes that is part of growing and it isn’t always a bad thing.

xoxo

Dalia

Ask Dalia…

Hello All,

I find that since I am the wielder of #whoretips, I regularly get asked for my advice on situations of the dating/sexual relationship nature. Since I give these little nuggets of what I believe are wisdom, I thought I would start posting them here. I hope they are helpful or simply entertaining.

Also, if you have a question, please feel free to ask me here or email me dalialance@gmail.com. I would love to help you with your question if I can.

So… Here is the question:

“Is the ‘Not in the same Area Code/Zip Code rule‘ a real thing?”

Ah… There is an answer that the very naughty/playful part of me wants to give. I think I will start by explaining, for those that might not know, what this rule is.

The Area Code/Zip Code rules are, that you are not being unfaithful to your partner if you are in a different area code or zip code then they are at the time of sexual encounter.

It is very similar to the ‘What happens in Vegas’ rule. Which is one of my personal favorites.

However, that doesn’t get us actually any closer to an answer. 🙂

The answer, like most, is not that simple.

I have found that betrayal is something that usually cannot be healed in a relationship. When a bond of trust is broken, even if attempted to be healed, it is never even half as strong as it once was.

This is a conversation that you need to have with your playmate or partner in the beginning. Since I usually have playmates, I tell them up front that they are not the only one. I make sure they know that a one-and -only is not something they can or should expect from me.

However, if you are in a committed relationship, regardless of how many parties are in the committed relationship, you need to establish ground rules.

One of my very good friends, who is in a somewhat open relationship with his wife told me that they established the rule that if they find another person that they want to be with, they ask each other if it is ok for the act to take place before the act takes place. If the other says no, then that is the answer. Simple.

So, the rule is a rule if you and your partner agree to it. Again, simple.

xoxo

Dalia

Ask Dalia…

Hello All,

I find that since I am the wielder of #whoretips, I regularly get asked for my advice on situations of the dating/sexual relationship nature. Since I give these little nuggets of what I believe are wisdom, I thought I would start posting them here. I hope they are helpful or simply entertaining.

Also, if you have a question, please feel free to ask me here or email me dalialance@gmail.com. I would love to help you with your question if I can.

So… Here is the question:

“When is it appropriate or ideal to ask your partner for a threesome?”

Of course I think there isn’t a bad time to ask. However, there are a few things to consider before you jump into this question.

First is where are you at in your relationship? Is it a relationship? Are you just playmates?

If you are just playmates, the answer is easy… Ask away. Be prepared, however, that your playmate might be only looking for one-on-one games. If a multiple partner situation is what you are looking for, be up front with your needs. That way you do not end up with the disappointment in the long run either.

Now, if you are just starting an actual relationship with someone and this is something you want or need, again be up front with the person.

A word of advice that encompasses more then the topic above is that if you have things you need out of a relationship you are going into, then you need to make sure that you gain the agreement from your new Boo that they are on board to give you or take part in those things. If you surprise them suddenly with it later on then you can be in for a shock when you can’t have it or worse they walk away.

Lastly, if you are in a relationship for a long time and want to possibly spice it up a bit, asking for a threesome can be tricky. Make sure if you are asking this with the understanding that your partner might take offense that they are not enough for you or that you need something more than they can give you.

Also, be prepared that if you are not in a same-sex relationship and you are say, a guy asking for a girl to join you and your girlfriend, then you should be willing to allow a guy to join you two as well. Fair is fair.

Always be willing to speak your mind, but don’t do it at a low point in your sex life, make it an addition. That way your partner knows it is to take you both to the next level and not recover from a slump. Also, be willing to be told “No” and find another way to heat your loins back up.

xoxo

Dalia

Dick(s) in a Box!

One way to be shown that your friends truly understand and know you as a person is when you receive a surprise in the mail.

In my case, on this rainy day in Florida, then again this time of year it always seems to be a bit of a rainy day, is to receive a big box full of dicks and arsousal creams/oils.

One of my lifelong friends found a way to give me a bunch of fun adventures to have during those rainy days (with or without a playmate joining in). 

Did I mention some of them are Alice in Wonderland themed? Squeal!!!

So to all my fans, I hope you get a box of dicks (or the best equivenent present for you) from a wonderful friend or be awesome and remind someone how much they mean to you by sending one to them.

xoxo

Dalia

Ask Dalia…

Hello All,

I find that since I am the wielder of #whoretips, I regularly get asked for my advice on situations of the dating/sexual relationship nature. Since I give these little nuggets of what I believe are wisdom, I thought I would start posting them here. I hope they are helpful or simply entertaining.

Also, if you have a question, please feel free to ask me here or email me dalialance@gmail.com. I would love to help you with your question if I can.

So… Here is the question:

“I went out on a date with guy and although it wasn’t terrible we didn’t click, or at least I didn’t feel a spark. He has texted me everyday asking me things like “How are you today, beautiful?” and “When can I see you again?” I thought ignoring the texts was the best option. What should I do?.”

I would like to say that there is an easy answer… Actually, there is.

So, what to do, what to do. I know you may not like my answer, but it is simple.

Honesty is something all of us possess. So is courage. I know that may sound silly, but the truth is that we are usually more willing to “hope a problem goes ” then it is to actually deal with the human on the other side of the equation.

I  believe it is not fair, well maybe not fair, maybe I believe it what is right is to make sure you let a person know where they stand in relation to you. This is of course coupled with the knowledge that you don’t owe someone you just met anything.

So what do you do?

Tell them.

Yep. Tell the person where they stand. You can do it via the phone, email, dating site or text. Don’t leave a person wondering why you are not speaking back. Most likely if they reached out to you after the date, then even if you felt nothing, they felt something. So tell them you are not interested if you are not. You don’t have to be mean, but make sure you are clear about it.

Don’t tell them maybe some other time, or you are going through something, etc. Tell them you are not interested in them. After you do this then you are off the hook. You can ignore communication from them after that, of course unless you think you can be friends. Which can happen, but be careful skating that line.

You cannot predict what another person will do. If you barley know them, then you have less prediction. But you can control what YOU do and to paraphrase a useful fact, do unto others as you wish is done unto you.

Have courage, trust communication and even if they are mad or disappointed, heck even mean, know that you have done right thing for them and move on. You are looking for the right person and they are not it.

xoxo

Dalia