How do you say “NO” once it has started??

It occurred to me while having a conversation with a potential playmate, that most, if not all of us, have gotten into a situation sexually where we hit a point that we want to stop, for whatever reason, and simply don’t know how to actually accomplish that goal.

Now, I want to say first and foremost, I am not talking about where you are being “forced”. I am not speaking of when there is a situation where consent isn’t granted. That is rape. This is not that kind of encounter.

I am speaking of encounters when you go back to your place, their place or a hotel for example and you, at some point in the playtime, realize you no longer want to play. 🙂

What do you do?

If the location is somewhat public, like a restroom at a night club, the situation can easily resolve itself. I mean after all, you can sprint out of the bathroom, into the club and disappear into the crowd. One can hope that if you are to this point you haven’t given your full details to this potential hook-up.

Whoretip: Don’t give your details to a potential hook-up unless you are sure you want to add them to your roster.

However, if you are alone, in a room and in varying stages of being unclothed it is not so easy.

I know I personally have endured a continued encounter, and even faked some very strong orgasms ‘verbally’ to get out of that situation more rapidly. Recently I watched the movie Trainwreck where the lead character fell asleep to avoid anything past the oral encounter.

Is this wrong? The answer is maybe and here is why:

If you fake it, then your partner at the time has assumed they have done a good job (aka Gold Star) and it gives the immediate illusion you would want to do this again with them. When you don’t a void of “what the hell” is created for them.

The flip side is they haven’t learned anything. Obviously something is wrong or you would want to continue this play date. But should you tell them? Would you want to be told if you were doing something wrong?

Again, the answer is “maybe”.

Most of us are not built to receive criticism of anything, let alone our abilities in the sexual arena.

If you start of in a situation where your playmate knows you are more experienced and is willing to take instruction, then bonus. If not, well, then you can come across as simply being a bitch or an asshole. Because most of us are also not built to give criticism correctly either. Then what do you do?

This depends on a couple of factors. Can you simply walk away or do you have to interact with this person again?

As I mentioned in My Home on Whore Island it is important never to make a playmate out of someone you have to interact with in the future. Such as your favorite bartender. If it goes badly for either of you, you have a very awkward situation and you have lost your favorite bartender.

If you don’t ever have to see them again, unless fate decides it needs to kick you in your pink parts, then tell them, gently. Which means you have to be prepared to be called names, yelled at or handle a sobbing mess. Make sure if you do tell them what they did wrong then compliment something, anything they did right.

So what if you decide to let the playtime play itself out? You can do this as well, you can fake it, heck even a guy can fake it if he does it correctly.

There is another solution to this problem, albeit one that takes you knowing what you like, and how to be pleased regardless of the state of your partner:

Take charge and make it pleasurable.

I know that you can change the position, change the sexual act, change location. There is a heat there that started this encounter, so you can change it up to do what you like, and what is pleasurable, to make it better for you and for them.

If that is impossible, then yes, dear God, walk the hell away.

I hope that you can look at this type of situation in the future and not give up one part of who you are to get through it. If you want to stay, stay. If you want to go: Go. But don’t suffer ever with a bad playmate.

xoxo

Dalia

 

 

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